Chit-Chat Tuesday: An Honest Message to Single Women
Originally this post was supposed to be a simple Facebook posting; just a thought that came to me after my quiet time with God. But then it morphed into a full length, too-long-to-write-on-Facebook type article.
I'm not sure how many single women follow my pages or read my books. However, I felt the Lord put these words on my heart to share with them.
Dating
Yes, that's the topic I want to talk about today.
Dating is one of those life curves that is loved or loathed. My opinion on the matter is I believe it's all in how well your life is rooted and grounded in the Lord. It's not something to stress over as long as your faith is rooted deep in the Word of God.
Over the years countless single women have approached me with the same question, "How did you know that Chris was THE ONE?" My reply was a simple one, saying something to the effect of, "It's an overwhelming sense of peace and calm. I just knew." Now I realize how vague that reply sounded. So today I'm going to touch on a major topic that should be initially addressed with every young girl or single woman.
1. Your heart
Before marriage is even a thought I tell girls and women their hearts needs to be right with the Lord. Why? Because HE is going to be the firm foundation that you will build your home and family on. HE is also going to be the rock you'll need to lean on when marriage gets tough (and marriage can get pretty rocky at times). There is so much Scripture I could give on this subject, but I will just stick with this one: Psalm 51:10-12 "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from they presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with they free spirit."
I remember saying this prayer at age eighteen. I remember where I was--sitting in the bleachers, watching the bull riding event. What made the difference for me was an act of one bull rider. After his 8-second ride he immediately took to his knees and looked heavenward, holding his index in the air, giving praise and glory to God. Wow. Such a simple act that is often overlooked, but in some subtle way, God grabbed hold of my heart that day. On my way home, I prayed and asked the Lord to provide me with a clean heart. I told HIM that I would give Him full control at the wheel of my life. From that moment on, I was God's. I consulted Him in every thing I did. From that instance I had a desire to clean up my life and weed out all the impurities. Then I set dating standards for myself (since one of my weak areas was dating).
So ladies, I urge you to give your heart and your life to the Lord. Because what comes next is just the next adventure in life, not a struggle or hardship.
2. Outward Appearance
The old saying goes that the first impression is the most important. And in our world, that seems to be never more true. We are a judgmental people. We shouldn't be, but there is always going to be someone.
What I've found in reading Scripture is if you are walking closely with God and doing your best to live out His life guidelines, you won't give anyone a reason to judge you (other than they will nit-pick and if anything judge you by your walk with God). It's not the worst thing in the world. And if you're part of an awesome church body, God has already provided for you other women and Christians who are there to encourage you when you need it most.
Back to first impressions...one of the first things that changed in my life after fully surrendering to God was my outward appearance. You see, I felt so desperate to date that I wore short skirts and dresses, short shorts, and crop tops to "find a boyfriend." What I found was shallow non-committal relationships instead. Why? Because I was using my outer looks to find love. God is love. Which means the only appearance we should want to show on the outside is our love for God. Would I wear short skirts and crop tops in front the all-sovereign God? ABSOLUTELY NOT! So, why was I doing it anyway? I was putting my trust in myself to land a boyfriend. I was never giving God full control.
What I failed to see was no good Christian boy (who I claimed to be looking for) would want to date a girl who allowed her body to be shown off.
Out of obedience to God, that weekend, I threw out all of my indecent clothing. Then I took a shopping trip. Instead of buying short shorts, I opted for capri pants (which to this day, are still my favorite summertime choice). Instead of purchasing crop tops and spaghetti strap shirts, I opted for tee shirts and 3/4 length sleeves. I didn't make a 180 degree turn and go frumpy (because I still think you need care about your appearance and upkeep), but I found outfits that were both comfortable and appropriate for my day job as well.
Other people took notice too! I began hearing compliments on my wardrobe (something I'd never had before). Some people even thought I had lost weight! For the first time I was outwardly showing others my testimony and faith in God by simply dressing for God's glory--NOT MINE.
I Peter 3:3-4 says it best, "Whose adorning [talking about women] let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting of hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparal; But let it be the hidden man of the HEART, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."
I think that's pretty plain and simple. People can see into our hearts if we allow God to do the work for us.
3. Focus
Lastly, let's look at what our focus should really be. It should be on God and God alone. Because if we give our all to HIM and set out to do God's will and work then He is faithful and just. And He hears and knows the desires of our hearts. He wants to bless us, but He also asks that our main focus in life is on Him and accomplishing His work. Why? Because there are so many people out there who need to hear about Jesus. Because by volunteering at your church, or by working in missions, or by visiting those who need visitation, etc...God is molding you for a work that He has already planned out for you. And perhaps, just maybe, that particular job you do for your church or that missions trip to Haiti is just a glimpse of the life God has planned for you. Maybe it's a work that you and your future spouse will be sharing in together. Maybe that's how you'll meet your future spouse.
My point is, when we submerge ourselves in God's Word and His work He is bringing our labors to fruition. Like a chain reaction, what we do for the Lord has an effect and impact on the rest of our lives. Just like I tell my children, 'every single decision you make--whether good or bad--will have its blessing or consequence.' The same goes for our life goals. What are you striving for today? Are you still grabbing life by the horns, as they say, and taking control over your own affairs? How is that working for you so far? Do you feel that thudding in your heart? Perhaps God is trying to tell you that He has it all under control if you will give the reigns over to Him. It costs nothing. For me, I knew I had nothing to lose. But boy did I have everything to gain.
The rest of the story...
No story is complete without a happy ending.
After years of heartache and trying to do everything my way, I gave my heart fully over to Christ in August of 2002 at the River Valley Ranch Rodeo. That weekend God gave me a clean heart, a renewed spirit, and a new way thinking. He forgave me of all my wrongdoings. He gave me peace. And He took the burden of my troubles and sin away for good. All that happened in one weekend!!
I stopped seeing the boys that were no good for me. I stopped dressing inappropriately. I even started talking with a softness in my tone. I joined our church outreach program. I began witnessing to people. I also started attending a college and career Bible study. All of a sudden God had provided a bounty of college-aged girls I could relate to and who had also given their hearts to the Lord in obedience. They were a life-line thrown out by God. My life had taken an amazing and wonderful turn and God was showing me the blessings of surrendering to Him.
Aaand, 3 months into my new walk with Christ, God led me to the man I was to marry. Give your heart to the Lord, dear ladies. Wait on Him and His timing. Because the rest of your life is going to be amazing.
I'm not sure how many single women follow my pages or read my books. However, I felt the Lord put these words on my heart to share with them.
Dating
Yes, that's the topic I want to talk about today.
Dating is one of those life curves that is loved or loathed. My opinion on the matter is I believe it's all in how well your life is rooted and grounded in the Lord. It's not something to stress over as long as your faith is rooted deep in the Word of God.
Over the years countless single women have approached me with the same question, "How did you know that Chris was THE ONE?" My reply was a simple one, saying something to the effect of, "It's an overwhelming sense of peace and calm. I just knew." Now I realize how vague that reply sounded. So today I'm going to touch on a major topic that should be initially addressed with every young girl or single woman.
1. Your heart
Before marriage is even a thought I tell girls and women their hearts needs to be right with the Lord. Why? Because HE is going to be the firm foundation that you will build your home and family on. HE is also going to be the rock you'll need to lean on when marriage gets tough (and marriage can get pretty rocky at times). There is so much Scripture I could give on this subject, but I will just stick with this one: Psalm 51:10-12 "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from they presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with they free spirit."
I remember saying this prayer at age eighteen. I remember where I was--sitting in the bleachers, watching the bull riding event. What made the difference for me was an act of one bull rider. After his 8-second ride he immediately took to his knees and looked heavenward, holding his index in the air, giving praise and glory to God. Wow. Such a simple act that is often overlooked, but in some subtle way, God grabbed hold of my heart that day. On my way home, I prayed and asked the Lord to provide me with a clean heart. I told HIM that I would give Him full control at the wheel of my life. From that moment on, I was God's. I consulted Him in every thing I did. From that instance I had a desire to clean up my life and weed out all the impurities. Then I set dating standards for myself (since one of my weak areas was dating).
So ladies, I urge you to give your heart and your life to the Lord. Because what comes next is just the next adventure in life, not a struggle or hardship.
2. Outward Appearance
The old saying goes that the first impression is the most important. And in our world, that seems to be never more true. We are a judgmental people. We shouldn't be, but there is always going to be someone.
What I've found in reading Scripture is if you are walking closely with God and doing your best to live out His life guidelines, you won't give anyone a reason to judge you (other than they will nit-pick and if anything judge you by your walk with God). It's not the worst thing in the world. And if you're part of an awesome church body, God has already provided for you other women and Christians who are there to encourage you when you need it most.
Back to first impressions...one of the first things that changed in my life after fully surrendering to God was my outward appearance. You see, I felt so desperate to date that I wore short skirts and dresses, short shorts, and crop tops to "find a boyfriend." What I found was shallow non-committal relationships instead. Why? Because I was using my outer looks to find love. God is love. Which means the only appearance we should want to show on the outside is our love for God. Would I wear short skirts and crop tops in front the all-sovereign God? ABSOLUTELY NOT! So, why was I doing it anyway? I was putting my trust in myself to land a boyfriend. I was never giving God full control.
What I failed to see was no good Christian boy (who I claimed to be looking for) would want to date a girl who allowed her body to be shown off.
Out of obedience to God, that weekend, I threw out all of my indecent clothing. Then I took a shopping trip. Instead of buying short shorts, I opted for capri pants (which to this day, are still my favorite summertime choice). Instead of purchasing crop tops and spaghetti strap shirts, I opted for tee shirts and 3/4 length sleeves. I didn't make a 180 degree turn and go frumpy (because I still think you need care about your appearance and upkeep), but I found outfits that were both comfortable and appropriate for my day job as well.
Other people took notice too! I began hearing compliments on my wardrobe (something I'd never had before). Some people even thought I had lost weight! For the first time I was outwardly showing others my testimony and faith in God by simply dressing for God's glory--NOT MINE.
I Peter 3:3-4 says it best, "Whose adorning [talking about women] let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting of hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparal; But let it be the hidden man of the HEART, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."
I think that's pretty plain and simple. People can see into our hearts if we allow God to do the work for us.
3. Focus
Lastly, let's look at what our focus should really be. It should be on God and God alone. Because if we give our all to HIM and set out to do God's will and work then He is faithful and just. And He hears and knows the desires of our hearts. He wants to bless us, but He also asks that our main focus in life is on Him and accomplishing His work. Why? Because there are so many people out there who need to hear about Jesus. Because by volunteering at your church, or by working in missions, or by visiting those who need visitation, etc...God is molding you for a work that He has already planned out for you. And perhaps, just maybe, that particular job you do for your church or that missions trip to Haiti is just a glimpse of the life God has planned for you. Maybe it's a work that you and your future spouse will be sharing in together. Maybe that's how you'll meet your future spouse.
My point is, when we submerge ourselves in God's Word and His work He is bringing our labors to fruition. Like a chain reaction, what we do for the Lord has an effect and impact on the rest of our lives. Just like I tell my children, 'every single decision you make--whether good or bad--will have its blessing or consequence.' The same goes for our life goals. What are you striving for today? Are you still grabbing life by the horns, as they say, and taking control over your own affairs? How is that working for you so far? Do you feel that thudding in your heart? Perhaps God is trying to tell you that He has it all under control if you will give the reigns over to Him. It costs nothing. For me, I knew I had nothing to lose. But boy did I have everything to gain.
The rest of the story...
No story is complete without a happy ending.
After years of heartache and trying to do everything my way, I gave my heart fully over to Christ in August of 2002 at the River Valley Ranch Rodeo. That weekend God gave me a clean heart, a renewed spirit, and a new way thinking. He forgave me of all my wrongdoings. He gave me peace. And He took the burden of my troubles and sin away for good. All that happened in one weekend!!
I stopped seeing the boys that were no good for me. I stopped dressing inappropriately. I even started talking with a softness in my tone. I joined our church outreach program. I began witnessing to people. I also started attending a college and career Bible study. All of a sudden God had provided a bounty of college-aged girls I could relate to and who had also given their hearts to the Lord in obedience. They were a life-line thrown out by God. My life had taken an amazing and wonderful turn and God was showing me the blessings of surrendering to Him.
Aaand, 3 months into my new walk with Christ, God led me to the man I was to marry. Give your heart to the Lord, dear ladies. Wait on Him and His timing. Because the rest of your life is going to be amazing.
Love this...nice post. I skipped the prayers...but thankful for a Godly mom who was praying for a Godly man. I was handicapped...and guys saw the chair not me. Through a mutual friend...and a long story..I met a guy online 2,000 miles away from my daddy’s hometown. We got our happily ever after...and we’re able to adopt to add to the love in our home. God worked many miracles, and I’m so thankful for His leading...and my parents. My hubby was the only man who met the standards I had set...so God made it easy. To top it off, I fell in love with him before we ever met in person! Thanks for posting your inspirational story!!!
ReplyDelete...as for the prayers, I thought God’s plan was for me to be single...so I never dreamed of marriage. I was a very content single girl.
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